𝒳 → >. i → <.

Proverbs 18:1–3

            [1] Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
                      he breaks out against all sound judgment.

            [2] A fool takes no pleasure in understanding
                        but only in expressing his opinion.

            [3] When wickedness comes, contempt comes also,
                       and with dishonor comes disgrace. (ESV)

Axiomatic Truisms

It has been a time. It is not by accident. Accident. Can there be any occurrence that does not have God’s fingerprints on it? On purpose, it has been a time.

God and I have been working on me in many ways these days. If I were to continue the bullet points, eventually, I come to the truth. I struggle with the hits from life. I struggle with my reactions to those hits. I need someone to answer for my failings. For my hurts. For my shortcomings. So, I am angry at God. I have been contentious in our relationship since February.

Proverbs 18:6–7

            [6] A fool’s lips walk into a fight,
                      and his mouth invites a beating.

            [7] A fool’s mouth is his ruin,
                      and his lips are a snare to his soul. (ESV)

Proverbs 18:6-7

What has me in such a tussle with the Lord? Me. Myself. I. Iz. Israel. Jesus Thug. I cannot abide myself. I find myself getting worse at life. Not better. I told my bride, “I have been chasing Jesus for 40 years, and I’m getting worse at following him, not better.”

Bitterness and Taunts

I have noted a trend. The more I try, the more distant others become. The more distant (Others), the more angry and bitter (I).

Bitterness

Bitter because of promises. 
       (I am with you always.) 
Bitter because of truths. 
       (God is gracious and merciful.) 
Bitter because of the axiomatic proclamation in Scripture 
       (God exists and is pleased by acts of faith), 

These promises taunt me.

Taunts

As if God is taunting me with things that my person longs for yet is not experiencing. Things he makes freely available to all the forgiven through Jesus – our mediator, savior, propitiation, and owner.

Peace
Fellowship
Acceptance
Included
Joy

Tussles

I do not like tussling with God. I want the wrestling to be over. I am honored to be named after the namesake of my ancestors, but I do not love living the name’s reality.

Genesis 32:28–29

[28] Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” [29] Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. (ESV)

Genesis, the first book in the Holy Writ of God.

If you are counting Israels, He is Israel the First. I am Israel the Umpteenth. Israel physically wrestled with God. My wrestling has been on the battlefront for the throne of my person. Still, I am a walking proverb. Mostly, it is an internal battle. I know my anger at God is missing the mark. As such, it seeks to impugn the righteous Creator.

Bereft

Am I the creation being molded by his Creator? Yes. Do I have a right to be angry? No. What to do? Get over myself. But my desire to get over myself is not enough to get over myself. As sinful as my position is, I honestly come and ask God to do what I cannot do.

Romans 9:20–24

[20] But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to its molder, “Why have you made me like this?” [21] Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honorable use and another for dishonorable use? [22] What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, [23] in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy, which he has prepared beforehand for glory—[24] even us whom he has called, not from the Jews only but also from the Gentiles? (ESV)

The Letter to the Roman Christians from Paul the Apostle

But to say that I am not angry would be a lie. So, I have been bringing my anger to the Lord. I ask him to give me the power to repent, forgive people, and stop being angry.

Jesus Must Increase, I Must Decrease.

John 3:30

[30] He must increase, but I must decrease.” (ESV)

The Greatest News as witnessed by John, one of Jesus’s best friends back in the day.

I say this with John the Dunker. Even at the best moments in my life, it is not enough for anyone to anchor their hopes on me or my achievements. I cannot save, answer, or provide sans God. And at my worst moments, I breed destruction. From the spectrum from first to worst, I get it. I agree and repeat this elusive mantra. Jesus must Increase. I must decrease.

Must I?

Christ must increase. I must decrease.

It’s the “must” that dogs me out.

Christ must >. I must <.
Christ → >. I → <.
𝒳 → >. i → <.

Say it. Easy!
Read it. Simple!
Listen to it. Direct.
Hear it! Hard.
Live it! Impossible.

What changes an equation from an impossibility to a possibility? Nothing. Wrong question. Who changes an equation from an impossibility and makes it a reality? Only God can. Join me in praying that God will honor this request in me. May Jesus increase and I decrease.

Jesus helps me understand the world. I am Iz. My goal is to share my daily fight in the hopes of being an example. An example of what exactly? Of someone who is trying live victoriously in Jesus. I fail often. Just as often, the Holy Spirit provides comfort as Jesus advocates for me before God the Father’s throne. It is my constant reality. It is a liberating reality.

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